IBANUJE.

Hi, my Superstar.
I hope you are fine. I hope you are well.

I have not written to you in a long, long, long time. A lot has happened. I will tell you later, not today. Today, I just want to say something I learnt.

I read a letter some time ago from Pastor Lanumi. Not very recently, but it has just been in my mind. She was talking about the difference between godly sorrow and earthly sorrow.

And it made sense to me. Like, it really made sense.

She quoted this verse-

“For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death.” 2Corinthians 7:10 (NLT)

You know when you read something and it just stops you? Yes. That was it. Because I realised that was me.

That feeling when you know you have not been reading your Bible, you have not been praying, you have not been putting God first the way you should, and you feel bad. Like you actually feel it. But sometimes, that is where it ends.

You just feel bad, and that’s it. You think about it. You even say “okay I’ll do better.” But nothing changes. You’re still there.

And I didn’t really think anything was wrong with that before. I just thought, at least I feel bad. At least I know. But that day, I realised that is not the point.

That feeling is not supposed to just sit there. It’s supposed to move you. Because what is the point of feeling bad if nothing changes after?

That’s when it made sense to me. Godly sorrow is not just “I feel bad.” It’s “I feel bad, so I’m doing something about it.” Even if it’s small. Even if it’s just “let me read my Bible now” or “let me pray, even if I don’t even know what to say.”

Not just sitting and thinking about it. Because that one, it will keep you there. And I started to see it in other things too.

Like when someone does something wrong and they keep saying “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” But nothing changes. No effort, no difference. At some point, you just know this sorry is not going anywhere.

And I had to check myself. Because I don’t want to be that kind of person. Not with people, and not with God.

I don’t want it to just be “I know” and “I feel bad.”

I actually want to change.

I hope this letter finds you well.